No Role Models

Growing up I have heard on multiple accounts that I can tend to be “self-absorbed” at times.

To be honest its completely true.

I’d dare say its one of my vices- but if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Troubled child, single parent home, no one to look up to, we’ve all heard this story before. However, I don’t believe my skeletons are bigger or smaller than anyone else’s, even if in reality they may be.

Everyone has a story, and everyone’s story makes them who they are.

Let’s take a few steps back. I used to stare in the mirror a lot as a child. Wishing the future would come faster with all the animosity my eyes could muster without bursting. Strangely, it was a way for me to confide in myself. That anger became my drive- roaring passion even. Telling myself it would all be alright and together we would make it out of my situation.

 I was all I had.

 That’s where the pride came in. No role models to speak of. I looked up to myself, that’s why I’m so hard on myself to this day. I felt as if I had to love myself more than the average person would. Marinate within my own accomplishments, (laughs) I had to “self absorb,” but I did it for self-preservation.

Externally, it may come out as over-confidence, cockiness even-but I don’t believe that’s the case. I believe I developed a character trait to aid in survival. A trait that can help you fly, but at the same time cause you to crash and burn.

In my younger years I tattooed the phrase “Save me from Myself” on my chest, and on my arms I have a portion of the bible verse I heard repeatedly. “Pride goeth before Destruction” Antidotes to my self-injected poison. Reminders to temper the balance internally.

Looking in the mirror today, seeing my younger self I’m sure he’d agree with me.

To do it all again the same damn way, and I must say young boy..

I like the way you think.

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